If I Fail
by Kaoli water goddess
Summary: After Miroku gives Sango an unexpected answer to her question, it causes them both to think about their feelings for one another.


A/N: AHHH!! First fanfic posted EVER!! I feel so special now.. This may be a very long songfic, but I really pulled apart the song to use the lyrics to my advantage!! I'm so manipulative...

Now to make this thing official; clears throat DISCLAIMER: I don't own Miroku, Sango, or any of the Inu-tachi. I just love to pull'em out and use them for my own madness. I also don't own the song lyrics... wish I could, it's so awesome!! THe lyrics belong to the band Cartel... who I also wish I could own... that's another story though.

**IF I FAIL**

"Hurry up!" Inuyasha's gruff voice yelled out to the rest of the group.

"See you Kaede!" Kagome said cheerily, ignoring Inuyasha. "Thanks for the extra medicinal herbs. They'll come in handy." She bowed politly to Kaede and ran up to meet the rest of the group.

_Time to go  
This is goodbye she said  
_

-------------------

Later on the road, the group had seperated into their normal formation; Inuyasha, Kagome, and Shippo leading the way, with Miroku and Sango farther behind. Sango, who'd been looking quite uncomfortable for awhile, broke the silence over her and Miroku. "Do our lives ever get easier?" she asked quietly to Miroku.

_Does it ever get easier to live like this?_

"What? You mean **our** lives?" he replied, motioning to the rest of the group.

"Yeah, I mean, it seems like we're stuck in a rut," Sango said. "We travel ceaselessly, fight to obtain **one** jewel shard, heal our injuries, then go off to chase after a demon that has caused tragedy to all of us. I mean, how do we live like this?"

"Sango, you know the answer to that," he replied, smiling in amusement. "We're trying to obtain vengence or to save ourselves from further tragedy."

"But let's face it Miroku," she exclaimed hysterically. "Vengence isn't easy to obtain; it could take forever, and the world **is** a tragic place. Anyway, you don't have time to be going around, searching for something that can't really save you!"

'She said my name,' he thought in amazement. "So you're that worried about me?" he asked.

Sango's hysteria had calmed, and her rational mind took over. "Well... yeah, of course I'm worried Houshi-sama. I mean... you don't have long to live and we're not helping you get things done any faster..." She trailed off, clutching her hands, as she felt the familiar blush dash across her face.

Miroku couldn't take it; she just looked so damn cute. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. Instantly, her blush intensified and a hand was placed over where she was kissed. He gave her an easy smile and said, "I'm glad you worry about me so much." He walked forward to catch up with the group.

_And kiss the cheek_

Once he was back in step with everyone, he looked back at Sango. She was still standing in the same spot, still with her hand over her cheek, and her face was frozen in a shocked expression. 'Maybe I shouldn't have kissed her,' he thought.

_Or I can't kiss you anymore_

'What was I thinking?' Miroku thought. 'I can't fall in love with her! Sango deserves someone who'll love her with all his heart, not a lecher like me. I could love her like that, but I'd let her down. I mean, I don't even know if I'll live long enough to tell her how I fell.'

_And I..  
I would honestly love you now  
But I would lovingly let you down_

Miroku looked back at Sango and smirked. She'd started walking with the group, but she was some distance away. She appeared to be deep in thought, but what made Miroku smile was the fact that her hand was still placed over her cheek. 'Damn though, I just couldn't resist doing that,' he thought.

_Ooooh... I have the hardest time resisting you  
And... ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh... if you..._

His thoughts turned back to a conversation from the night before.

---Flashback---

Inuyasha and Miroku sat on opposite sides of the fire in Kaede's hut. (A/N: To all you creepy peoples out there who like makin' our fave characters gay.. ya'll are CREEPY!!!! Inuyasha goes with Kagome, Miroku goes with Sango; GET IT RIGHT!!... Sorry touchie subject, back to the fic.)The girls had gone off to bathe, Shippo was 'who-knows-where', and Kaede was off tending to a sick villager. Inuyasha suddenly looked up at the monk. "Miroku, you've got feelings for Sango, right?"

"Uh..." the monk stammered, caught offguard by the question.

"Don't play dumb with me, monk," Inuyasha said.

"OK, so maybe I do," Miroku answered. "What about it?"

"Well, Sango has feelings for you too," he explained. "And since you both fell so strongly about each other, there's no way you two can stay friends. Whatever game you're playing with each other or whoever you're trying to fool, it's not working, so just admit how you feel before you both break each other's hearts." (A/N: Comin' from the guy with a worse romance life... sorry, ignore me.)

---End Flashback---

'He's right,' Miroku thought. 'If I ever want to know if Sango feels the same, then we really can't stay friends.'

_If you fell the same way,  
Then how can we be friends?_

'We can't keep playing this game,' he continued. 'Inuyasha's right; we can't go on like this. I want to love her and I want her to love me.' He looked back at sango as she continued to walk behind him. 'You know, I don't care if I die because of my wind tunnel. At least I died with the woman I love knowing just that.'

_He's right, you know  
We can't go on like this.  
And, ooh, I try to give you everything  
And if I fail, well then I failed  
But, at least I gave you something._

Sango was still processingwhat had happened, namely the fact that Miroku, her lecherous houshi, had given her a kiss. Her blush haad receded, but her hand was still on her cheek, as though she was trying to preserve the kiss.

It was quick, but the kiss was perfect. Miroku was perfect; she knew that. He was a lecher, yes, but he was also handsome, strong, brave, compassionate, and maybe it was just her womanly instinct, but it seemed htat he really loved her. Like she thought, she was crazy. But the feeling of his lips on her cheek stuck in her mind and she went back into her girlish mode.

'I guess I could tell him,' she thought. 'I mena, it's probably a bigger risk than fighting Naraku, but I trust him. I don't think he'd intentionally hurt me.'

_I could put my trust in giving up the heart  
It makes the difference._

She rubbed her cheek fondly. it was still warm. His lips were so soft, so warm; she desperatley wanted to feel his lips against hers. She shook the thought out of her head. 'No way! I can't be thinking this!' she berated herself. 'Even if Miroku and I could get together, there's no way it'd last. He's a lecher... he's fated to die... on top of that, we're complete opposites. I'm a demon slayer out for vengence and I'll hopefully settle down with a family one day; he'sa lecherous monk out to kill a demon before he dies. he just wants a woman for a good time; he doesn't want the same things I do. And yet... I want to love him... I want to be with him... and I want him to want me. But... he can't afford to.'

_But how could you afford to settle down?  
When I, I would promise to love you now.  
But I would lovingly let you down._

--------------

Sango sat on her futon and sighed. Miroku had pulled his usual stunt and managed to get each member of the group their own seperate rooms at the inn. She sat on the futon, completley unaware of her surroundings. Her apron lay discarded on the floor; it was too warm to keep it on. Her yukata had the scarf from her armor tied around her waist to keep it form completley opening up. Her sleeves were tied up, leaving her arms bare. The fold of her yukata had succumbed to gravity and fallen to the ground, exposing her legs to the night air. Her hair hung loose, cascading down her back.

Not surprisingly, her thoughts turned to a certan lecherous houshi. 'Why would he kiss me though?' she thought. She went over the conversation they had beenhaving before the kiss. Then it hit her. 'I called him 'Miroku'!' She fell back and laid on her back. 'Ugh! How could I have done that?' she thought. She never called him 'Miroku'; always Houshi-sama'. She loved his name though; secretly, she'd whisper it to herself, admiring how the syllables rolled off her tongue.

'So that's why he did that,' she realized. She remembered how much she had watched him after the kiss. His hair had shone in the sunlight; Sango wanted so badly to unbind it from the usual ponytail and run her hands through it. The earrings she secretly admired reflected the sunlight back to her. Everything about him was driving her crazy and she barely resisted the urge to run up to him and kiss him to tell him how she felt.

_Oooh, I have the hardest time resisting you  
And, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh , ooh... if you..._

"If he kissed me, could that mean that he feels the same way that I do?' she thought. 'If he and I have these feelings for each other, then we really can't be friends; we need to be more.'

_If you feel the same way,  
Then how can we be friends?_

Sango then remembered something Shippo had told her earlier that day.

---Flashback---

Still on the road, Sango stayed behind the rest of the group. Her blush had receded to a pink streak on her cheeks. She was completley unaware of her surroundings until she felt a tug on her yukata. She looked down and Shippo stared back up at her. He held up a water canteen. "Here Sango," he said, handing her the canteen. "You look tired and thirsty, so have some water."

"Thanks Shippo," she replied, grabbing the canteen. She took a long drink.

"So, how do you feel about Miroku?" Shippo asked innocently.

Sango spat out the water in her mouth. "WHAT?!"

"Do you love Miroku?" he asked.

"Uh..." she stammered.

"Because if you do," he continued. "You two can't go on the way you are."

"Shippo?" Sango stammered, still in shock. "Where did you get all this..."

"Shippo!" Kagome called to him. "Come on! We gotta go!"

"Well, gotta go Sango!" he said, running off towards Kagome.

---End Flashback---

'Shippo's right though, as odd as it sounds,' Sango thought, still laying down on the futon. 'Miroku and I can't continue the way we are. We need to stop trying to hide how we feel.'

_He's right you know,  
We can't go on like this._

'I could try to love him.. I mean, I do love him!' she thought. 'It's just that me and him want different things... You know what? I don't care; he needs to know. I'll love him; I'll tell him! I don't care if he dies, or if anything else goes wrong; I'm going to be tha one for him, simply because I know that he's the one for me!' Sango smirked triumphantly, while laying down.

_And, ooh, I try to give you everything,  
And if I fail, well then I failed  
But, at least I gave you something._

There was a knock on her shoji, breaking Sango out of her thoughts. "Come in!" she called, slowly sitting up.

Miroku walked into Sango's room and did a quick double-take. He'd never seen Sango the way she was now, with her hair loose and so much of her pale skin showing. (A/N: Willing, I must add... we all know he's seen more than this much of Sango... He's been peeking on her baths.) "Umm... did I catch you at the wrong time?" he asked.

Sango, who was fully upright, cocked her head and asked, "No... what are you talking about?"

"You're a little... bare," Miroku said.

"Oh..." Sango stammered, looking at her bare legs and arms. "It's hot," she answered simply.

"I'm not complaining," he replied, sitting down next to her.

"Didn't think you would," she retorted, glancing at him. She looked back at her knees and said, "I didn't think that anyone would come see me."

"Look, it's just that..." Miroku trailed off. "I think that I need to explain what happened today."

"You don't need to explain anything," Sango said, keeping her eyes everywhere except on the monk.

"But I do," Miroku asserted.

_It's better than silence..._

"Look Sango... what I did today, I wasn't thinking," Miroku said. "I wasn't myself and I acted on an instinct I couldn't control."

"So, it was exactly what I thought it was," Sango said, plaintively, leaning her head onto her knees.

Miroku turned to her. "What are you talking about?"

"What happened today... it meant nothing, did it?" she replied.

"Now Sango," he said. "That's not what I meant." She turned her head and looked at him as he continued. "look, I reacted in a manner that I normally wouldn't have. I was showing you how exactly how I feel in the most direct way I could."

Sango shifted uncomfortably. "just stop there, Houshi-sama."

"Give me a reason why I should," he challenged.

_Give me one good reason (you know)  
It's better than silence  
Give me one good reason (you know)  
To leave this in silence (you know)_

"Because you don't want to say something you'll regret," she said. He smirked at her. "what's that look for?" she asked, slighly annoyed.

"Is that the best reason you have?" he asked.

"Y--yes..." Sango stammered in reply.

Miroku shook his head in amusement. "I knew you didn't have a good reason."

_(You know) you don't have a good reason (you know)_

"Miroku, just stop..." Sango stammered.

"You just said my name," Miroku stated.

"What do you expect?!" Sango exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. "I'm so scared at the moment!"

"What are you scared of?" he asked, looking at her.

"Never mind," she snapped. "What were you going to say?"

"Look Sango..." Miroku said. "i'm not completley sure how to do all this. I've never felt like this before."

"Never felt like what?" Sango asked nervously.

Miroku looked down at the girl and smiled. "This feeling is completley new to me, but I think the kiss today showed what I feel. Sango, I love you."

Sango's mouth was open slightly and she couldn't move. 'He just confessed to me! Oh my god... say something stupid!!' Her voice just wasn't working.

Miroku stood up, straightened his robes, and said, "I'm sorry I've been so straightforward, but I just think that it's time I let you know." He turned to go, but felt a tug on his robes. "Sango?"

"Do...do you think that I don't feel the same?" she asked timidly, still sitting on the floor.

He smirked at her and grabbed her hands, pulling her to her feet. "Sango, if you do, then we can't be friends anymore."

_If you feel the same way,  
Then how can we be friends?_

Sango kept her hands tightly grasped in Miroku's as she said, "I know, but maybe it's better this way." She smiled shyly, then looked down. "I mean, it's like Shippo told me; I can't ignore my feelings for you anymore."

"Shippo told you that?" Miroku asked.

Sango looked into his violet eyes and smiled. "Yeah."

"Inuyasha told me the same thing last night," he said.

Sango took her handsfrom Miroku and wrapped her arms around his neck. "They're right though. We can't go on like there's nothing here."

_He's right you know,  
We can't go on like this._

"That's right," he replied. "Because there **is** something here." He leaned down and kissed her forehead, wrapping his arms around her waist in the process.

"What about the wind tunnel Miroku?" she asked quietly.

"I don't care about that," he answered. "Sango, I want to give you everything you want, but there is the possibility that I'll die. If that happens before I can give everything you want, then I..."

"I won't care," she interrupted him. "I have you; what more could I want? Miroku, I love you."

Miroku smiled. "I said it first."

"I know," Sango replied. "But I hadn't told you yet." At that, she brought her head up, seeking out Miroku's mouth. Gently, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips against his.

_And, ooh, I try to give you everything  
And if I fail, well then I failed  
But at least I gave you something._

Sango's desires from earlier that day came back to her. She had been right; Miroku's lips were as soft and warm as she had remembered. She tightened her hold around his neck, deepening their kiss. She felt his hands around her waist tighten and she felt shivers going up her spine. Miroku was driving her crazy and all it took was a hold around her.

Miroku was shocked at first when Sango kissed him. She was never the straightforward; then again, they had both stepped out of their comfort zones that day. When Sango deepened the kiss, he held her tighter, wanting to feel her body against his. His beautiful huntress was in his arms and there was nothing more he could have wanted.

Sadly, they both ran out of breath and broke off. Their arms stayed in their original positions though. Miroku looked down at Sango, with a goofy smile on his face. "Wow..." he breathed. "When did you become so bold?"

Sango smiled shyly and looked down, as she said, "I don't know. Maybe, just now; I'm not sure. Did you start that kiss or did I?"

"I believe **you** did Sango dear," Miroku chuckled.

"Oh..." Sango said in embarassment. "Kami... I don't know what's come over me."

"It's called love, Sango," he replied.

"I guess..." Sango trailed off, visibly embarassed.

Miroku untangled Sango's arms from around his neck and held her hands. Slowly, he traced up her bare arms with his fingertips, then back down to her hands. "I love seeing this much of you," he said.

"Pervert," she replied playfully.

"I'm not trying to be perverted," Miroku said in his defense. Sango shot him a dirty look and he stopped his charde. "OK, so maybe I am a little. But still..." He pulled her to him and said, "you have such an amazing body. It's a shame that I never see more." Softly he skimmed her hips.

"Is that all you like about me? My body?" she asked, looking up at him.

"No. There's so much more," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Tell me," Sango pleaded, returning her arms around his neck.

"I've told before though," Miroku argued.

"Well, tell me **again**," she said forcefully.

"How about I show you?" he suggested.

Sango smirked. "That's even better."

"Better than keeping quiet about it," Miroku said.

Slowly, Miroku leaned forward, capturing Sango's lips with his own. He felt Sango wrap around his neck tighter, so he pulled her body closer until he could feel the soft curves of her body up against him. Nothing could be better than the feeling of having Sango, his beautiful, beloved Sango, in his arms. They were flirting, they were kissing; they were together and that was so much better than being kept in the dark about their feeling for one another.

_Oooh ooh ooh  
It's better than silence  
Ooh ooh oh ooh ooh ooh oh..._

The two broke off, both out of breath and both with goofy smiles on their faces. Sango stayed pressed up against him and said, "I never want to let you go."

"Well, I want to show you something," Miroku replied.

"Then we'll just have to compromise, won't we?" she asked playfully.

"And I have the perfect solution." Miroku took one hand from it's hold around her waist and placed it under her legs, gracefully pulling Sango into his arms.He walked outside of her room and out into the yard of the inn.

Sango gasped at the view. "It's beautiful!" The night sky was full of stars, covering every area of the sky, along with the light from the full moon. Miroku set her down on her feet, and she turned in every direction, marvelling at the magnitude and the magnificence of the stars.

Miroku watched her as she turned to see the night sky. The light of the full moon gave her skin an etherial glow, and the moonlight sparkled in her chestnut-colored eyes. "So you like it?" he asked, breaking her out of her trance.

"It's incredible," Sango stammered. "It's just so beautiful!"

Miroku took her hand in his. "Yes you are," he said, pulling her hand to kiss it.

Sango smiled and took her hands from his. "Stop it," she replied.

"It's better than keeping quiet about it," he said with a smirk.

_Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh  
It's better than silence._

"Well in that case..." Sango trailed off, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Same goes for you." With that, she leaned up and captured his lips with her own. Once there, they never wanted to let go.

_Ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh_

----------------

Meanwhile, across the yard, three pairs of eyes watched the couple. Kagome clapped her hands together and squealed in delight. "Ooh, I knew it! I knew it!" she chimed gleefully.

"Keep it down!" Inuyasha hissed at her. "Do you want them to know that we're watching?"

Shippo cringed. "Ewww... are they kissing?! Blech! Gross!"

Inuyasha clamped a hand over his mouth. "Shut up kit! We don't want them to hear!" They both headed the hanyou's words and turned their eyes back to the couple.

_Ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh..._

----------------

The two broke off from one another and locked in each other's gaze. Miroku smiled down at his love, his Sango. "Hey Sango, you know the other's are watching right?"

"Yeah." She tightened her hold around his neck. "So how about we give them a good show?" Miroku's smile widened, and gracefully, he pulled her closer and kissed her full out. And, at that moment, both didn't care if they succeeded in their personnal missions, because all that mattered at the moment, was that even if they failed, they had still found their one, true love.

---END---

A/N: Oh my god!! I'm done!! I love this idea and I hope ya'll do too!! I've got a bunch of ideas in my head, that'll hopefully come out soon!! Meanwhile... Review Please!

Luv Kaoli water-goddess


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